Obituary wording
What Order Do Family Members Go in an Obituary?
A clear guide to listing surviving and predeceased family in an obituary, with worked examples for spouses, children, siblings, and blended families.
The family list is the part of an obituary most likely to cause hurt feelings. There is no single legal order that every newspaper requires, but there is a widely understood courtesy order that most families recognize: spouse or partner first, then children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, and then other relatives the family wants to name.
Use the names and relationships people actually use for themselves. If two relatives disagree about wording, pause and agree the list before anything is submitted. A short, accurate list is better than a long one with a missing name.
The usual courtesy order
Newspapers and funeral homes often follow a pattern close to this. It is custom, not law, and families may rearrange it when their lives do not fit the pattern.
- Spouse or partner
- Children (and their spouses or partners, if named)
- Grandchildren, then great-grandchildren (often by count rather than every name)
- Parents, if still living
- Siblings
- Other relatives the family chooses to include — nieces, nephews, cousins, in-laws
- Close friends only when the family truly wants them in the published list
Note: Pets are sometimes mentioned in the life story. Putting an animal in the surviving-family sentence usually reads as a joke, even when the affection is real.
How to write the surviving-family sentence
Open with “is survived by” or “leaves.” Name the closest relationships first. Put a relationship label beside each name when readers would otherwise guess incorrectly. Married children’s partners can appear in parentheses after the child’s name, which keeps the list readable.
She is survived by her husband of forty-one years, David; children Rachel (Tom) and Ben; four grandchildren; her sister, Claire; and her brother, Mark.
How to list people who died earlier
Use “was preceded in death by” or “was predeceased by.” Parents, a spouse, children, and siblings are the relatives most often named here. You do not need a complete genealogy. Name the people whose absence would feel wrong if left out.
He was preceded in death by his wife, Helen; his parents, Arthur and June; and his brother, Paul.
Blended families, step-relations, and chosen family
Write the relationship the way the family lived it. “Stepson,” “partner,” “former spouse,” and “dear friend” are all legitimate when they are true. Do not invent a hierarchy to make a complicated family look simple.
If adult children from different marriages should appear together, say so plainly rather than forcing a ranking that will be argued over later. When in doubt, ask the people being named how they want to be described.
She is survived by her partner, Morgan; children Avery and Sam; stepchildren Jordan and Riley; and her former husband, Chris, who remained a close friend.
When to count instead of naming everyone
Large families often list grandchildren and great-grandchildren by number: “eight grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.” That avoids a long roll call and reduces the risk of omitting someone. Name individuals only when the family is small or when a particular person should be singled out.
Newspapers that charge by the line make counting even more practical. A paid notice can use counts while a longer memorial page or program names people in full.
Mistakes that cause the most pain
- Publishing before every branch of the family has seen the list
- Using a legal name someone never went by, or ignoring a chosen name
- Leaving out a child, sibling, or current partner
- Including an estranged relative the rest of the family did not agree to name
- Copying an old template that still lists someone who has since died
Note: If an error reaches print, correct it on the funeral-home or memorial page immediately and, when the newspaper allows, submit a correction. Do not pretend the mistake did not happen.
A short checklist before you submit
- One person owns the draft; others review it
- Every living person named has been checked for spelling and relationship label
- Predeceased names are current
- Counts of grandchildren match what the family expects to see
- Service and donation lines are separate from the family list
Create with care
Write the obituary with the family list included
Share the names you want included. The draft will not invent relatives you did not provide, and you can edit the list before anything is paid for.
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Editorial note
TributeReady writes and reviews its resource guides for clarity, compassion, and practical usefulness. Customs and requirements vary, so confirm service details with your venue, officiant, faith community, and printer. Examples identified as fictional do not describe real people.